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Post by 4amWriter on Nov 2, 2012 21:27:39 GMT
Haha! Neeks, I love that! My first sentence was: "Well of course it's not just about colours," said Maddie, pulling out a few more stems, and brushing her blonde locks behind her ears. "Pass me those secateurs will you?" I like this sentence, too. You give us a lot to envision with these opening words!  |
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Post by 4amWriter on Nov 2, 2012 21:29:10 GMT
These are pretty good openings  Neeks yours so so funny, especially with what you said before. It shows part of her character. Here's mine! Damian stared at the first level biology class he taught. I really like the bit that comes after it. It shows what a jerk he is. OKay, Ottie, so now you have my curiosity up. Perhaps the next thread should be about second sentences.  |
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Post by limebirdvanessa on Nov 3, 2012 0:26:28 GMT
A secateur is like garden shears? Oh, really? I didn't know what secateurs were either. Sounds very sophisticated. Yes, well I'm a sophisticated kind of gal you know! Yes, they're those small garden shears that you hold in one hand, ideal for cutting things like rose stems that are a bit tough. It's good that a few of you didn't know what they were because the person Maddie is speaking to didn't know what they were either, so at least I know I'm not off the mark with that one! |
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Post by yrdeni on Nov 3, 2012 18:51:36 GMT
haha, Kate you rebel! This is mine from 'The Key of Secrets' "The morning of her 11th birthday, Jack Archer woke to the feeling of a wet tongue coating her cheek in slobber. " I like your dialogue Scree! Thanks, Beth! It's so interesting to read the different beginnings. |
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Post by loupy on Nov 3, 2012 19:30:30 GMT
Fun idea! Here is mine --
David knew he had to be a Wizard, no matter how much he detested them.
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Post by loupy on Nov 3, 2012 19:34:08 GMT
True--we're not supposed to. You'll find that I can be a rebel. Sometimes, I even leave the cap off the toothpaste. . Uh oh! you rebel! |
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Post by 4amWriter on Nov 4, 2012 10:53:35 GMT
Fun idea! Here is mine -- David knew he had to be a Wizard, no matter how much he detested them. That's an awesome first line! You've immediately drawn us right into the conflict. Great job. |
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Post by 4amWriter on Nov 4, 2012 10:54:49 GMT
True--we're not supposed to. You'll find that I can be a rebel. Sometimes, I even leave the cap off the toothpaste. . Uh oh! you rebel! Yes, well, it keeps me young. |
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Post by loupy on Nov 5, 2012 10:09:51 GMT
Fun idea! Here is mine -- David knew he had to be a Wizard, no matter how much he detested them. That's an awesome first line! You've immediately drawn us right into the conflict. Great job. Thank you Kate! |
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Post by limebirdwriters on Nov 5, 2012 13:47:33 GMT
Love yours too Laura! Awesome! Kate - yes Jack is a female! She's called Jacqueline but is quite tomboy-ish and hates being called Jacqueline! |
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Post by dennismlane on Nov 5, 2012 14:29:15 GMT
“Hey, Shara! The Gorgon is about to lift off!” It was Granddad Dennis calling me, I’d been under my VR Hood scrolling through all the specs of the launch, but he wanted me with him when the ship actually took off. “I know Granddad, I’m coming!” I ripped the hood off and ran through from my room, Granddad was there on the couch with a space reserved for me next to him. I sat down just in time for the final countdown. “ 10” I held Granddad’s hand and looked over at him, his eyes were fixed on the screen, shining with, what I thought were tears. “ 9” On the screen billows of exhaust fumes were rising around the base of the gigantic lifting body. “ 8” Granddad squeezed my hand “I can’t believe it,” he whispered, “I’ve actually lived long enough.” “ 7” My heart was pounding, I’d seen plenty of launches before, but this was different, this was taking the main drive of the Hermes up to Earth Station to begin construction of the starship. “ 6” Everything around me disappeared, all I could see was the screen and the ship. I wondered what it felt like to be lying in a g-couch onboard a rocket as the power builds up below. “ 5” The gantry fell away and the view shifted to a distant camera, showing the stretch of Spaceport One with the massive ship poised to go. “ 4 … 3 … All systems nominal … 1 … We have lift off on the initial stage of Earth’s first mission to another star.” (Do you like how I got myself in on the second line? ) |
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bonusparts
Junior Limebird Member
Rocket Cat!
Posts: 29
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Post by bonusparts on Nov 5, 2012 14:45:34 GMT
These are all great openers! The books they represent might hold different places on my shelf, but they're all pretty compelling. I suck at openers, personally. That's an aspect I always have to work hard on when I do my edits.  This year, I'm doing a setup with my villains first (because I think action stories should start with the villains), then moving on to my heroes in the next chapter. Pardon the language, but this is something of a military story... <em>When his CO had come to him with datapad in hand, with that s***-eating grin on his face, Sirk should have known something was sketchy.</em> |
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Post by 4amWriter on Nov 5, 2012 15:07:10 GMT
Love yours too Laura! Awesome! Kate - yes Jack is a female! She's called Jacqueline but is quite tomboy-ish and hates being called Jacqueline! I love boy nicknames for girls. I think that's a great way to reflect her personality |
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Post by 4amWriter on Nov 5, 2012 15:09:15 GMT
“Hey, Shara! The Gorgon is about to lift off!” It was Granddad Dennis calling me, I’d been under my VR Hood scrolling through all the specs of the launch, but he wanted me with him when the ship actually took off. “I know Granddad, I’m coming!” I ripped the hood off and ran through from my room, Granddad was there on the couch with a space reserved for me next to him. I sat down just in time for the final countdown. “ 10” I held Granddad’s hand and looked over at him, his eyes were fixed on the screen, shining with, what I thought were tears. “ 9” On the screen billows of exhaust fumes were rising around the base of the gigantic lifting body. “ 8” Granddad squeezed my hand “I can’t believe it,” he whispered, “I’ve actually lived long enough.” “ 7” My heart was pounding, I’d seen plenty of launches before, but this was different, this was taking the main drive of the Hermes up to Earth Station to begin construction of the starship. “ 6” Everything around me disappeared, all I could see was the screen and the ship. I wondered what it felt like to be lying in a g-couch onboard a rocket as the power builds up below. “ 5” The gantry fell away and the view shifted to a distant camera, showing the stretch of Spaceport One with the massive ship poised to go. “ 4 … 3 … All systems nominal … 1 … We have lift off on the initial stage of Earth’s first mission to another star.” (Do you like how I got myself in on the second line? ) I like how you incorporated the actual countdown with the inner story of your protag. Really compelling opening, Dennis! |
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Post by 4amWriter on Nov 5, 2012 15:15:42 GMT
These are all great openers! The books they represent might hold different places on my shelf, but they're all pretty compelling. I suck at openers, personally. That's an aspect I always have to work hard on when I do my edits. This year, I'm doing a setup with my villains first (because I think action stories should start with the villains), then moving on to my heroes in the next chapter. Pardon the language, but this is something of a military story... <em>When his CO had come to him with datapad in hand, with that s***-eating grin on his face, Sirk should have known something was sketchy.</em> Haha, this is a great sentence. Even if you don't end up using it as your opening line, I think it's useful info. I like how you get right into his head and his sense of suspicion or wariness with what's about to happen. Immediately, I want to know what's up. |
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Neeks yours so so funny, especially with what you said before. It shows part of her character. 
