Post by dennismlane on Jan 5, 2012 11:32:03 GMT
Hi all,
I am currently writing the second draft of my first novel, "Talatu".
I have attached the first chapter and would welcome any comments at all.
For those who just want to see if you would keep reading, here is the first page in the body of the post.
Thanks in advance for any comments, pointers etc!
D
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"Wata rana shekaru aru-aru da suka wuce…" That is how my father always began stories which, very roughly translated from the Hausa, means "once upon a time". So… Once upon a time there was a girl called Talatu, she was a special girl, born on a Tuesday, which is what her name meant in the language of her forefathers. But being born on a Tuesday is not what made her special, it was the fact that she was born on a ship travelling between the stars. She was the apple of her father's eye and would sit on his knee as he told her stories about his home in Northern Nigeria on faraway Earth. Little Talatu would waddle around, following her father down the lines of plants that he tended and she would sing along with him as he named all of the plants for her. She was Yarsarkini Talatu, Princess Talatu, and her father was the King of a land of flowers and fruit, of strange smells and jets of water that always seemed to catch her unawares. Princess Talatu was the happiest girl on the whole of the ship…
But, life is not a fairy story, little Talatu grew up…
"Talatu Idris! You're asleep again! See me after class."
What a way to wake up… I looked around the classroom while surreptitiously pinching myself, I wanted to make sure that I was really awake this time.
Anyone who knows me, even in passing, will not be surprised at all that I started my story asleep. I was always waking up tired and, at any given moment, could be found having a quick snooze. Warrant Officer Clooney said that, once I got control of my gift, it would make me a better soldier, as the ability to catnap at any time or place is key to surviving protracted contact with the enemy. As I didn't actually want to be a soldier and any potential enemy could be sixty light years away back on Earth, I thought that the point may well have been moot.
Of course, as our mission was to fly to Campbell’s Star and, for all we knew, it could be crawling with ‘hostiles’, I guess that Warrant Officer Clooney’s advice was pretty good.
Anyway, if I am to tell my story, I need to start in Miss Roux’s class. For it was there that my journey really started. It was because of her that I began to grow up. I think that it’s very important to be honest and so I’ll put this all down as it happened ‘warts and all’ as they say; I want to make sure that you can understand what I was thinking at the time. Looking back I’m pretty embarrassed by how I was then, but, in my defence, I was just a kid!
I’m sure that Miss Roux was really just concerned that one of her pupils was always falling asleep, but, to give her credit, she did want to do something positive to change that. I just didn’t see it at the time. I know that it must be frustrating for a teacher to have a pupil fall asleep on them but, really, dialectic argument? We were heading into the unknown as part of Earth’s colonisation effort; surely there were more important things to learn than that! I glanced around the classroom and there was Matt smirking. I would deal with him later.
I am currently writing the second draft of my first novel, "Talatu".
I have attached the first chapter and would welcome any comments at all.
For those who just want to see if you would keep reading, here is the first page in the body of the post.
Thanks in advance for any comments, pointers etc!
D
----------------------------
"Wata rana shekaru aru-aru da suka wuce…" That is how my father always began stories which, very roughly translated from the Hausa, means "once upon a time". So… Once upon a time there was a girl called Talatu, she was a special girl, born on a Tuesday, which is what her name meant in the language of her forefathers. But being born on a Tuesday is not what made her special, it was the fact that she was born on a ship travelling between the stars. She was the apple of her father's eye and would sit on his knee as he told her stories about his home in Northern Nigeria on faraway Earth. Little Talatu would waddle around, following her father down the lines of plants that he tended and she would sing along with him as he named all of the plants for her. She was Yarsarkini Talatu, Princess Talatu, and her father was the King of a land of flowers and fruit, of strange smells and jets of water that always seemed to catch her unawares. Princess Talatu was the happiest girl on the whole of the ship…
But, life is not a fairy story, little Talatu grew up…
"Talatu Idris! You're asleep again! See me after class."
What a way to wake up… I looked around the classroom while surreptitiously pinching myself, I wanted to make sure that I was really awake this time.
Anyone who knows me, even in passing, will not be surprised at all that I started my story asleep. I was always waking up tired and, at any given moment, could be found having a quick snooze. Warrant Officer Clooney said that, once I got control of my gift, it would make me a better soldier, as the ability to catnap at any time or place is key to surviving protracted contact with the enemy. As I didn't actually want to be a soldier and any potential enemy could be sixty light years away back on Earth, I thought that the point may well have been moot.
Of course, as our mission was to fly to Campbell’s Star and, for all we knew, it could be crawling with ‘hostiles’, I guess that Warrant Officer Clooney’s advice was pretty good.
Anyway, if I am to tell my story, I need to start in Miss Roux’s class. For it was there that my journey really started. It was because of her that I began to grow up. I think that it’s very important to be honest and so I’ll put this all down as it happened ‘warts and all’ as they say; I want to make sure that you can understand what I was thinking at the time. Looking back I’m pretty embarrassed by how I was then, but, in my defence, I was just a kid!
I’m sure that Miss Roux was really just concerned that one of her pupils was always falling asleep, but, to give her credit, she did want to do something positive to change that. I just didn’t see it at the time. I know that it must be frustrating for a teacher to have a pupil fall asleep on them but, really, dialectic argument? We were heading into the unknown as part of Earth’s colonisation effort; surely there were more important things to learn than that! I glanced around the classroom and there was Matt smirking. I would deal with him later.
Attachments:
Only her's wouldn't be all inflation.