qxface
New Limebird Member
Posts: 1
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Post by qxface on Jan 3, 2012 16:00:11 GMT
Hey, before I get into this, what kind of state is this story in? Where would you mark your current progress?
Rough Draft<------------------------------------------------------------->Final Edit
If you're just starting on this, I'll worry more about plot and characters and stuff like that. If you're close to finishing, I'll be more nit-picky about spelling/grammar/typos.
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Post by limebirdwriters on Jan 3, 2012 16:02:09 GMT
I would just like to point out that QxFace is LimebirdKaiser in case you were confused!
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Post by limebirdkaiser on Jan 3, 2012 17:29:58 GMT
I would just like to point out that QxFace is LimebirdKaiser in case you were confused! Man! I'm so bad at maintaining two identities. I'll never be Batman, I guess, but at least my wife probably doesn't have to worry about me having any affairs. I should be LimebirdKaiser permanently on these boards, now.
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Post by limebirdkaiser on Jan 6, 2012 22:13:55 GMT
Ottabelle,
You have an exciting story going on with lots of fun phrases and word-turnings.
I feel like what you need to work on is really just more of a matter of organization. The story seems to jump around between subjects fast and frequently.
For example: You have a paragraph that starts with "After time travel developed, many problems came with it.", talking about how time travel affected things.
Then your next paragraphs start with "The headquarters of the Time Police resembled something M. C. Escher...", talking about how weird HQ is.
Okay, so far, so good.
Then you jump back to talking about time travel again with "Like all inventions made, it was quickly utilized for a more nefarious purpose...". There's no segue back to time travel, so this was jarring to me. The "it" naturally feels like you're referring to HQ, since that was the last topic.
I'm just gonna throw out ideas since who am I and what do I know?
Maybe for each paragraph you could make a short (3-7 word) summary of the topic/point of the paragraph. This paragraph does A. This paragraph does B.
I think you'll see something like this:
A A A B A B B A
And then you have a few choices for reorganizing things: 1. Combine all the As into 1 paragraph, all the Bs into another 2. Put all the As in a row, then move on to the Bs 3. Make sure your transitions are clear when you switch between A paragraphs and B paragraphs. (Scrivener or yWriter let you make notes for each "scene". I think you could put one paragraph per scene into one of these tools and shift things around easily. Or a word doc. Or note cards. Whatever works best for you.)
You use a really familiar voice for this story, which I think works and is appropriate since it's being told directly to us(the readers), at least the intro section. The way people talk and the way people write are very different. Try reading your stuff out loud. Then ask someone else to read it out loud to you. Mark all the parts where either of you stumble over the wording or the cadence of the sentences. I find that a lot of my own stuff looks great on paper(I think because we sort of skim over stuff even when we're reading for pleasure), but when I try to read it out loud, it doesn't quite make sense.
Anyway, keep at it! I'll expect a signed copy when you publish it.
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Post by 4amWriter on Jan 7, 2012 11:39:21 GMT
I think limebirdkaiser has a great idea! Once you get all your scenes and characters and subplots organized, then you'll be moving right along!!
Scrivener should be really helpful with this, actually...!
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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Post by ottabelle on Jan 9, 2012 19:00:01 GMT
Wheee! So sorry that I've been gone D: I feel so happy for the help. Kate: The whole thing isn't even done yet, it was chugging along better back then. I know where it's going though (unless it pulls the rug from under me.) I'll try to get something together for you. Kaiser: Way at first draft. And I know what you are saying about reorganizing. I appreciate your tips for getting it there. I was trying to get a hmm. I was trying to show some bit of disorganization in the character and went overboard because I was disorganized myself! And your comment about a signed copy made me laugh. Everyone can have one. I really meant to get Scrivener this month, but uh, I accidentally spent my money before I did. >.< I started getting myself more organized in the parts you guys don't have, I think. Which is ok I still need all the help I can get, I'm sure I can get down a rabbit trail again if I'm not careful. Glad to be home now, so that I can try to write him again. I just wanted thank everyone again for all their help.
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Post by 4amWriter on Jan 10, 2012 18:07:21 GMT
Yay, you sound loads better about this project and that makes me happy! First drafts are the toughest, IMO. I have been in your shoes many times, and I know I that I'll be in that crazed place many times more in my writing career. That's why I think writers need to be partially insane. But only partially. I'm just glad that you have turned a corner!!
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Post by ottabelle on Jan 12, 2012 23:32:40 GMT
Insanity is fun. I plan on diving back into it tonight and I'm hoping things go well. If they don't, it's not like I haven't been in that boat before. Hopefully I'll remember where the life jacket is this time. I'm glad to have so much support. Thank you for reminding me I can get through this stage!
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Post by ottabelle on Apr 14, 2012 4:35:48 GMT
Should have snuck this in sooner but, AFP FIRST DRAFT DONE WOO.
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Post by limebirdwriters on Oct 5, 2012 17:56:46 GMT
Yay for first draft done!!
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Post by yrdeni on Oct 6, 2012 21:37:50 GMT
Should have snuck this in sooner but, AFP FIRST DRAFT DONE WOO. Hey, big congratulations!
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Post by ottabelle on Oct 7, 2012 6:03:45 GMT
Thanks love He's on his third edit now.
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Post by limebirdwriters on Oct 8, 2012 9:03:29 GMT
Woo hoo! Keep going!
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Post by loupy on Oct 8, 2012 9:14:45 GMT
Go amber go amber go!!!! Can't wait to see it sitting on the shelves
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Post by ottabelle on Oct 13, 2012 2:00:38 GMT
It.. it won't just be sitting there right? people will be buying it and stuff, right?
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