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Post by loupy on Dec 10, 2011 6:12:25 GMT
Hehe Ok ok... I'm gonna have to think about this, but I will give it a go I promise :-)
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Post by 4amWriter on Dec 10, 2011 13:51:01 GMT
Where are yours, 4am and Loupy? ;P Yes, I am going to do one. I promise! Stay tuned...
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 10, 2011 14:30:25 GMT
Another go, did this on lunch! "I veered and our car broke through the barrier and hit the water with a thud. My heart leaped into my chest. He scrambled for the door and managed to release it before the pressure hit. I reached for my seatbelt and it was locked in. He pounded on the window, screaming at me to get out. The car was sinking quickly. I knew that he would die if he tried to get back in to save me. The car was slowly filling with water. So I took in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and locked the doors. " I got the chills. I couldn't stop thinking about this all day. It is so hard to evoke that emotion alongside the action in such a short span of words. What a great, great job, Beth. Wow, thanks Kate! I enjoyed writing this one!
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Post by 4amWriter on Dec 11, 2011 2:54:29 GMT
This was a lot harder than I was afraid of!! But here you go.
George was on his fifth whiskey when the shouts started. He turned, his unsteady bulk tipping the stool slightly. Not now, George thought as his gut sank. He knew Timmy was the one in trouble, but George was useless. They’d taken his badge, his weapon. He couldn’t serve and protect anymore. He returned to his drink. A body slammed into the bar next to him. George looked at Timmy’s bludgeoned face. Timmy stared back, one eye swollen, the other dull like the sky over North Hill. “Dad,” Timmy croaked. “Help?” They dragged Timmy away, and his father finished his drink.
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 11, 2011 3:31:38 GMT
This was a lot harder than I was afraid of!! But here you go. George was on his fifth whiskey when the shouts started. He turned, his unsteady bulk tipping the stool slightly. Not now, George thought as his gut sank. He knew Timmy was the one in trouble, but George was useless. They’d taken his badge, his weapon. He couldn’t serve and protect anymore. He returned to his drink. A body slammed into the bar next to him. George looked at Timmy’s bludgeoned face. Timmy stared back, one eye swollen, the other dull like the sky over North Hill. “Dad,” Timmy croaked. “Help?” They dragged Timmy away, and his father finished his drink. Wow, so sad. You really accomplished a lot in so few words. I really wonder what got poor Timmy in so much trouble.
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Post by loupy on Dec 11, 2011 5:54:34 GMT
Ok here it goes!
As far as winter nights went, this one seemed normal. The moon shone over the dark neighborhood as cars with frost rivers growing on them idled. My house was brightly lit and smelled of Christmas as I decorated. Suddenly, I found I couldn't move. "Honey, come here?" I called to my husband, but he didn't hear me. Panicking I began thrashing, but no movement came. I noticed my husband finally coming over to me. He knelt down, tears flowing. "Oh, what have I done?" He struggled to say through his sobs. "I should have let you turn the heat on."
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Post by 4amWriter on Dec 11, 2011 9:23:02 GMT
Ok here it goes! As far as winter nights went, this one seemed normal. The moon shone over the dark neighborhood as cars with frost rivers growing on them idled. My house was brightly lit and smelled of Christmas as I decorated. Suddenly, I found I couldn't move. "Honey, come here?" I called to my husband, but he didn't hear me. Panicking I began thrashing, but no movement came. I noticed my husband finally coming over to me. He knelt down, tears flowing. "Oh, what have I done?" He struggled to say through his sobs. "I should have let you turn the heat on." Hi Loupy, Great job for a first timer! I like how you give us a sense of setting in your piece. Did she really freeze? Or is there something I'm missing? limebirdkate
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Post by loupy on Dec 11, 2011 9:43:44 GMT
Ok here it goes! As far as winter nights went, this one seemed normal. The moon shone over the dark neighborhood as cars with frost rivers growing on them idled. My house was brightly lit and smelled of Christmas as I decorated. Suddenly, I found I couldn't move. "Honey, come here?" I called to my husband, but he didn't hear me. Panicking I began thrashing, but no movement came. I noticed my husband finally coming over to me. He knelt down, tears flowing. "Oh, what have I done?" He struggled to say through his sobs. "I should have let you turn the heat on." Hi Loupy, Great job for a first timer! I like how you give us a sense of setting in your piece. Did she really freeze? Or is there something I'm missing? limebirdkate Thanks! She froze, but just hasn't quite realized it yet .. lol.
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 11, 2011 14:32:47 GMT
This was a lot harder than I was afraid of!! But here you go. George was on his fifth whiskey when the shouts started. He turned, his unsteady bulk tipping the stool slightly. Not now, George thought as his gut sank. He knew Timmy was the one in trouble, but George was useless. They’d taken his badge, his weapon. He couldn’t serve and protect anymore. He returned to his drink. A body slammed into the bar next to him. George looked at Timmy’s bludgeoned face. Timmy stared back, one eye swollen, the other dull like the sky over North Hill. “Dad,” Timmy croaked. “Help?” They dragged Timmy away, and his father finished his drink. Wow, how hard hitting! Why didn't his Dad help him?! Nooo! So much emotion in 100 words! Great job Kate!
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 11, 2011 14:40:09 GMT
Ok here it goes! As far as winter nights went, this one seemed normal. The moon shone over the dark neighborhood as cars with frost rivers growing on them idled. My house was brightly lit and smelled of Christmas as I decorated. Suddenly, I found I couldn't move. "Honey, come here?" I called to my husband, but he didn't hear me. Panicking I began thrashing, but no movement came. I noticed my husband finally coming over to me. He knelt down, tears flowing. "Oh, what have I done?" He struggled to say through his sobs. "I should have let you turn the heat on." This really makes me wanting to know more about the story. It really drew me in, making me picture her completely frozen in a block of ice! haha!
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 11, 2011 20:45:21 GMT
Ok here it goes! As far as winter nights went, this one seemed normal. The moon shone over the dark neighborhood as cars with frost rivers growing on them idled. My house was brightly lit and smelled of Christmas as I decorated. Suddenly, I found I couldn't move. "Honey, come here?" I called to my husband, but he didn't hear me. Panicking I began thrashing, but no movement came. I noticed my husband finally coming over to me. He knelt down, tears flowing. "Oh, what have I done?" He struggled to say through his sobs. "I should have let you turn the heat on." This was really cute, to me. It made me laugh. I imagined her turning into an ice statue. He should get the hair dryer quick!
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Post by loupy on Dec 11, 2011 23:23:04 GMT
Thanks guys! I drew from some inspiration where I was sitting here freezing to death and my husband thought it felt great in here!
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Post by 4amWriter on Dec 13, 2011 3:47:57 GMT
Okay, here's another one:
I hear cheers, a ringing hum reminding me of the fridge in my Grammy’s basement. I concentrate on staying up, but it’s painful. I’m dizzy and confused. My feet stumble.
I catch myself. I keep going. I focus on the yellow line, my guide for the past 25 miles. The line buckles. I’m about to lose it. My body wants to give up. I can’t feel my hands, numb from cold. I see it. Finish! I run faster, harder. I’m about to reach my goal when I feel my heart explode. The road races up, hitting me in the face.
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Post by loupy on Dec 13, 2011 6:50:53 GMT
OH I love it! It reminds me of that Stephen King (Richard Bachman) book The Long Walk - I think that's probably what some of the kids experienced before their demise!
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 13, 2011 9:11:18 GMT
These are awesome. I think I'm going to do a blog with our 100 word stories in and then link back to the forum.
Is everyone OK with me using their stories?
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