A Sample

[JeffreyMilton]

Here is one of my more recent poems. It's not great, but I wrote it, like most of my poetry, as a way of dealing with life. I'm sure this is true of many people, but most of them are not sure if they would want to share it to the world. For myself, I don't mind if some find it cheesy or depressing. Oddly enough, it's just the opposite, because to share it means that there is always hope for something good to come from it.

Poetry can be very personal, but that doesn't mean that the feelings within them are unique. The resonance of poetry is the hope that the feelings are not unique, then everyone can share in the pain, happiness, love...or anything that the poem is trying to convey.

Well, enough hedging...here it is.

Sun, Candle…Love
By Jeffrey Gershom

The sun rises with sluggish
Motion, while birds have
Gone to a place where warmth
Is no stranger.

At its zenith, the orange orb
Plays with light and dark.
Finally, as if there were
Any choice, it lowers
Itself onto a lonely bed,
Cold and hard
With no one but the twinkling
Of stars so beautiful, yet
Empty with hopes of
Lost love fulfilled.

How can something so
Large and powerful
Release such feelings of
Despair?
She taunts me
With her warmth, the
Color of a flame,
A flame that lives in
My heart.
The candle, whose wax slowly
Envelopes my being, dwindles like
The setting sun. The flickering
Flame moves with playful
Motions, a final dance that
Signifies the dawn of the night.
My prayers are now the
Ever shortening wick,
Soon to be lost like the wax
That gave it form.

[limebirdwriters]

This is lovely Jeffery! The descriptions are really full of life and I love the pictures this conjours up in my head! I read it out loud as well and I enjoyed the tempo!

[loupy]

I really love it! Keep more coming :-)

[dennismlane]

I really enjoyed this. One comment though, you break the lines at various points within thoughts, which is fine. However, I did find I had to go back over the following passage.

With no one but the twinkling
Of stars so beautiful, yet
Empty with hopes of
Lost love fulfilled.

Personally I feel that if it had been structured as:

With no one but the twinkling
Of stars so beautiful,
Yet empty
With hopes of
Lost love fulfilled.

It would have been clearer to me.

Also, nowadays there is no problem with starting a line lower case, I feel that that would also aid in comprehension as it would then help to flag up where the sentences end.

Keep writing though, like I said, I enjoyed this!