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Post by loupy on Dec 11, 2011 4:52:17 GMT
Ok.... I used to write poetry all the time. The bad thing is after moving away from home after high school, 3 dorms, and 2 apartments, I've lost all my notebooks. Somewhere out there is also a CD with them that I've burned to it... but I can't find that either. I was hoping that maybe I'd emailed them all to myself but....that seems like a no- go as well. But as I was searching thru my email I found this that I apparently wrote in 2003. Uh....seems maybe I was sad this day LOL!!! Anywho, here it is, it's an old poem and I honestly hardly even remember writing this so feel free to rip it to shreds because it almost feels as if I didn't write this at this point in my life...like I was a completely different person back then just inhabiting the same body.
Tormented by what is out of grasp- from my hand, from my strongest clasp. No- what I want can't be plucked as if an apple from the tree. The things I want to hold, you can't even see. The pain my father caused is as strong as a knife Ripping through my heart, gouging out my life. Will he ever know, ever FEEL, the same pain he's forced me to endure. The fact that he'll never understand, or care, makes it hurt even more. The pain my best friend caused is as strong as the wind. Not intentionally harmful - But broken limbs can never mend. I try and try again to swallow the Love away so he'll never see How he makes me feel deep down inside and the sadness he's caused so unintentionally. The pain from a man I barely know is as strong as the sea he came crashing into my life and heart - the time we spent ment so much to me. The pain of not knowing if anything between us will ever be hurts as bad as the pain of fearing that nothing will happen, and he doesn't enjoy the times we had. The pain from my own dwelling is as strong as the beating rain. pounding down as hard as it can on the most fragile things. If the rain would just stop, the pain could ease up - but the damage is done. However, the gray clouds will part leaving the beautiful blue sky and a warm sun.
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 11, 2011 15:00:43 GMT
Ohh I like it. Feels really emotional and personal. I can empathise with the feelings you're explaining in this poem!
It's really difficult to go for double rhyme, what made you choose that?
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 11, 2011 20:42:37 GMT
Seems like you were in a rough place when you wrote this. Really seems like you captured that emotion well. It's funny how we write things and can't remember writing them. Do you still write poetry now? The rhyme scheme feels strange to me. One thing I have trouble with though is recognizing words that rhyme unless it is just obvious. I also never grasped meter x.x. Tormented by what is out of grasp- from my hand, from my strongest clasp. I like this opening a lot though. The fact that he'll never understand, or care, makes it hurt even more. Would the effect have been stronger if you just chose either understand, or care? Hope you don't think I was picking too much, poetry is something I really am not the best at. So I'm trying to learn from this too. Overall I thought you could really feel the sadness and anger, which you probably wanted at the time. It's nice.
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Post by loupy on Dec 11, 2011 23:15:31 GMT
I"m not sure why I chose that rhyming scheme - I think that's what I usually go for though.
I must have been feeling particularly angsty that day. To be honest I don't even know what/who the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are referring to...that's how little I remember this poem. There are some poems I have that I've really liked and remember writing and what they were about (which was one of the poems I was hunting for but couldn't find when I stumbled on this) I was probably about 19 when I wrote this and I remember being angry at the world that summer.
I never got too hung up on words that are exact rhymes, like grasp an clasp aren't exact matches but they both have the "asp" sounds so I would tend to call that done and good enough LOL! Another one is endure and more - definitely not rhymes but they have a similar sound so I guess I just went with it.
And feel free to pick all you want! I don't remember writing this, or if I edited it or what.. .I'm not sure why I emailed it to myself and none of the other poems though! Wish I could find all those old ones.
I don't really write poetry anymore. I used to not be able to sleep as a teenager and so I would sit up at night and just write poems about the stuff that was going thru my mind - anger at my dad was topic I used a lot - fear of bugs - inability to sleep - high school crushes.... I just used it as a way to get my thoughts out so I could try to sleep. I guess I don't really have these issues anymore , I've accepted my dad for who he is and don't dwell on him anymore, got me a man so I don't have to wonder what its like to kiss boys LOL!! I dunno, I should give it another go though because there for a few years I really did probably write a poem a day or more!
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 12, 2011 6:22:05 GMT
I think you should pick it up again! You don't have to write sad stuff anymore since you're content with your life, you can write happy, silly stuff
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Post by loupy on Dec 12, 2011 7:11:21 GMT
HAHA you got that right!! Ok here is one that I posted on my blog, that I had to write for English class my Junior year of High School - the assignment was life journeys or something like that. They picked a few from middle school and high school students to put in an anthology of young Appalachian poets. So this poem is about 10 years old, probably wrote it when I was 17 or so. Looking at it now, there are too many "maybe"s in it for my liking but, oh well can't change the past (I suppose I could change it now, but I don't wanna LOL!)
Contemplating the Journey -
I wonder about all the places I'll go, For right now I don't really know. I do know what I would like life to be But for now I'll have to wait and see.
I want to take the right path on this long journey, I do not ever want to be in a hurry. If the road forks, which way will I choose? Always the right way so I'll never lose.
Maybe someday I'll go into space. Or maybe I'll stay on earth in one place. Maybe I'll be in a famous band, Or just sit back and be a fan.
I could grow up to be a famous writer, Or maybe that writer's favorite teacher. Maybe forever I'll stay where I am now But I could find my way to India somehow.
I do know that my life will be great Always full of love and never hate. And in the end God will lead me To the place where I will rest, for eternity.
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 12, 2011 21:03:28 GMT
Haha it's pretty cute. I kinda like the maybe. Maybe you could have kept using maybe in every stanza, maybe to keep the maybes going throughout everything, maybe? ;D
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Post by 4amWriter on Dec 13, 2011 9:34:24 GMT
Ok.... I used to write poetry all the time. The bad thing is after moving away from home after high school, 3 dorms, and 2 apartments, I've lost all my notebooks. Somewhere out there is also a CD with them that I've burned to it... but I can't find that either. I was hoping that maybe I'd emailed them all to myself but....that seems like a no- go as well. But as I was searching thru my email I found this that I apparently wrote in 2003. Uh....seems maybe I was sad this day LOL!!! Anywho, here it is, it's an old poem and I honestly hardly even remember writing this so feel free to rip it to shreds because it almost feels as if I didn't write this at this point in my life...like I was a completely different person back then just inhabiting the same body. Tormented by what is out of grasp- from my hand, from my strongest clasp. No- what I want can't be plucked as if an apple from the tree. The things I want to hold, you can't even see. The pain my father caused is as strong as a knife Ripping through my heart, gouging out my life. Will he ever know, ever FEEL, the same pain he's forced me to endure. The fact that he'll never understand, or care, makes it hurt even more. The pain my best friend caused is as strong as the wind. Not intentionally harmful - But broken limbs can never mend. I try and try again to swallow the Love away so he'll never see How he makes me feel deep down inside and the sadness he's caused so unintentionally. The pain from a man I barely know is as strong as the sea he came crashing into my life and heart - the time we spent ment so much to me. The pain of not knowing if anything between us will ever be hurts as bad as the pain of fearing that nothing will happen, and he doesn't enjoy the times we had. The pain from my own dwelling is as strong as the beating rain. pounding down as hard as it can on the most fragile things. If the rain would just stop, the pain could ease up - but the damage is done. However, the gray clouds will part leaving the beautiful blue sky and a warm sun. I like this. I am not a poet, and the few courses I took on poetry escaped me. Of course, this was a long time ago when I was young and foolish! I often think about trying my hand at some poetry, just to see what I can do with it. As far as critiquing it, I can't say I know what to look for or suggest. My one tip (because I do this for fiction) is you try editing it now, after you've been away from it for so long and see what you come up with. And for me, the rhyming, or not-so-rhyming, wasn't a problem. In fact I prefer the poems that don't rhyme precisely. Such as "endure/more" or "wind/mend". I think that's because when I read poems that rhyme precisely I am reminded of poetry for children, and how they are taught rhyming words. The way you've done it gives it a more mature style, imo. Lastly, I am so bummed for you that you lost all your notebooks of poetry! I can't imagine what I would do if I lost all my work like that. I'm really sorry.
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Post by loupy on Dec 13, 2011 10:34:26 GMT
Ok.... I used to write poetry all the time. The bad thing is after moving away from home after high school, 3 dorms, and 2 apartments, I've lost all my notebooks. Somewhere out there is also a CD with them that I've burned to it... but I can't find that either. I was hoping that maybe I'd emailed them all to myself but....that seems like a no- go as well. But as I was searching thru my email I found this that I apparently wrote in 2003. Uh....seems maybe I was sad this day LOL!!! Anywho, here it is, it's an old poem and I honestly hardly even remember writing this so feel free to rip it to shreds because it almost feels as if I didn't write this at this point in my life...like I was a completely different person back then just inhabiting the same body. Tormented by what is out of grasp- from my hand, from my strongest clasp. No- what I want can't be plucked as if an apple from the tree. The things I want to hold, you can't even see. The pain my father caused is as strong as a knife Ripping through my heart, gouging out my life. Will he ever know, ever FEEL, the same pain he's forced me to endure. The fact that he'll never understand, or care, makes it hurt even more. The pain my best friend caused is as strong as the wind. Not intentionally harmful - But broken limbs can never mend. I try and try again to swallow the Love away so he'll never see How he makes me feel deep down inside and the sadness he's caused so unintentionally. The pain from a man I barely know is as strong as the sea he came crashing into my life and heart - the time we spent ment so much to me. The pain of not knowing if anything between us will ever be hurts as bad as the pain of fearing that nothing will happen, and he doesn't enjoy the times we had. The pain from my own dwelling is as strong as the beating rain. pounding down as hard as it can on the most fragile things. If the rain would just stop, the pain could ease up - but the damage is done. However, the gray clouds will part leaving the beautiful blue sky and a warm sun. I like this. I am not a poet, and the few courses I took on poetry escaped me. Of course, this was a long time ago when I was young and foolish! I often think about trying my hand at some poetry, just to see what I can do with it. As far as critiquing it, I can't say I know what to look for or suggest. My one tip (because I do this for fiction) is you try editing it now, after you've been away from it for so long and see what you come up with. And for me, the rhyming, or not-so-rhyming, wasn't a problem. In fact I prefer the poems that don't rhyme precisely. Such as "endure/more" or "wind/mend". I think that's because when I read poems that rhyme precisely I am reminded of poetry for children, and how they are taught rhyming words. The way you've done it gives it a more mature style, imo. Lastly, I am so bummed for you that you lost all your notebooks of poetry! I can't imagine what I would do if I lost all my work like that. I'm really sorry. Aw thank you so much for the comment! I'm pretty bummed I lost my books too ---- and a little concerned about who's hands they might be in. I used them as sort of half poetry half journal so ... lord I know I wrote some really embarrassing things in there! I try not to think about it often or else I would just go crazy!!
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 14, 2011 4:34:24 GMT
Ok.... I used to write poetry all the time. The bad thing is after moving away from home after high school, 3 dorms, and 2 apartments, I've lost all my notebooks. Somewhere out there is also a CD with them that I've burned to it... but I can't find that either. I was hoping that maybe I'd emailed them all to myself but....that seems like a no- go as well. But as I was searching thru my email I found this that I apparently wrote in 2003. Uh....seems maybe I was sad this day LOL!!! Anywho, here it is, it's an old poem and I honestly hardly even remember writing this so feel free to rip it to shreds because it almost feels as if I didn't write this at this point in my life...like I was a completely different person back then just inhabiting the same body. Tormented by what is out of grasp- from my hand, from my strongest clasp. No- what I want can't be plucked as if an apple from the tree. The things I want to hold, you can't even see. The pain my father caused is as strong as a knife Ripping through my heart, gouging out my life. Will he ever know, ever FEEL, the same pain he's forced me to endure. The fact that he'll never understand, or care, makes it hurt even more. The pain my best friend caused is as strong as the wind. Not intentionally harmful - But broken limbs can never mend. I try and try again to swallow the Love away so he'll never see How he makes me feel deep down inside and the sadness he's caused so unintentionally. The pain from a man I barely know is as strong as the sea he came crashing into my life and heart - the time we spent ment so much to me. The pain of not knowing if anything between us will ever be hurts as bad as the pain of fearing that nothing will happen, and he doesn't enjoy the times we had. The pain from my own dwelling is as strong as the beating rain. pounding down as hard as it can on the most fragile things. If the rain would just stop, the pain could ease up - but the damage is done. However, the gray clouds will part leaving the beautiful blue sky and a warm sun. I like this. I am not a poet, and the few courses I took on poetry escaped me. Of course, this was a long time ago when I was young and foolish! I often think about trying my hand at some poetry, just to see what I can do with it. As far as critiquing it, I can't say I know what to look for or suggest. My one tip (because I do this for fiction) is you try editing it now, after you've been away from it for so long and see what you come up with. And for me, the rhyming, or not-so-rhyming, wasn't a problem. In fact I prefer the poems that don't rhyme precisely. Such as "endure/more" or "wind/mend". I think that's because when I read poems that rhyme precisely I am reminded of poetry for children, and how they are taught rhyming words. The way you've done it gives it a more mature style, imo.Lastly, I am so bummed for you that you lost all your notebooks of poetry! I can't imagine what I would do if I lost all my work like that. I'm really sorry. That makes sense. I think that sounds good. I'm used to reading poetry with no rhyme scheme at all. So rhyming at all is foreign to me, haha. It just made my brain try to twist the words to read them in a rhyming way. Which is more than likely my brain I see what you mean though. And it is so sad. I think she should fill up new reams with new things to console herself.
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 14, 2011 9:36:31 GMT
Great poems Laura! I'm so sorry that you lost your notebooks, that sucks! Here's to writing lots of new stuff to go in fresh new notebooks!
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Post by loupy on Dec 14, 2011 10:45:35 GMT
Thank you!
Yeah I can't believe I lost my notebooks...I keep telling myself they are around here somewhere, but I haven't seen them in probably 9 years so that is really doubtful!
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Post by neekswrite on Dec 14, 2011 11:14:01 GMT
So sorry you lost your old books, maybe it's time to make some nice new ones! Keep writing, we need more!
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