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Post by ottabelle on Dec 8, 2011 10:05:25 GMT
jfb57.wordpress.com/2011/12/05/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week22/This is fun.  I did one for this week, here it is. The reaper closed in on his next victim. A man of seventy walked along the snowy sidewalk. It was going to be a white Christmas, but he wouldn’t see it. The reaper loved Christmas, even decorated for it. He walked behind the aging man and soon came alongside him “Lovely, isn’t it?” he asked. The man glanced at him and a horror came over his face. The reaper pulled his scythe out, and slashed the man’s soul. Bells tinkled in the air. The man walked into his home with blank eyes. “Is it me or are bells ringing?” he snickered. What does everyone think? Feel free to rip it apart, being concise is not always my strong point, so I need to learn to say more with less words. One person commented on my blog that it wasn't clear where I was going with the last sentence. I was thinking it was the bells on the scythe, the reaper was getting into the holiday spirit by decorating his scythe. They weren't sure about that though. How would I have fixed that in 100 words?
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Post by 4amWriter on Dec 8, 2011 10:20:21 GMT
Hi Ottabelle,
I love word challenges like this. I have never tried this particular challenge, but now I'm thinking I should give it a go!
Anyway, I think you did a fine job. I would agree with the last sentence being vague. I didn't make the connection with the bells being on the scythe. I suppose when you first bring up the detail of the reaper decorating for Christmas would be the time when you describe the scythe. Could you change the graph a little to accomodate the extra detail? Something like this: "The reaper got into the spirit of Christmas by stringing bells on his scythe. He approached the aging man. "Lovely, isn't it?" he asked.
I think it still works out to 24 words in that graph...?
I like your post. What fun. Limebirdkate
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 8, 2011 10:54:11 GMT
Thanks for the tip! I'll mess around with that in the morning! (Well, it's morning now but I haven't been able to sleep. Morning after sleep, haha. :])
And thank you for saying I did a find job! And you should definitely give it a go!
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 8, 2011 11:17:24 GMT
This is such a great idea, thanks for drawing this to our attention. I'm going to work on something later and I'll post it up when it's done! |
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 8, 2011 11:39:19 GMT
Ok, this isn't amazing, but I just had a quick go. This is 100 words exactly!
My hands were trembling and my palms were sweaty. My Dad was holding on to me tightly, gripping my arm. He looked over to me, smiled and then kissed me on the head. I knew that walking down the aisle would be the most steps since the accident, but I was determined to do it.
I zoned in on the man of my dreams, blocking out everyone else and focused on making the walk to him, to his arms. When I finally reached him, he held out his hand and I took it. This was it, I had made it.
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Post by loupy on Dec 8, 2011 12:30:54 GMT
jfb57.wordpress.com/2011/12/05/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week22/This is fun. I did one for this week, here it is. The reaper closed in on his next victim. A man of seventy walked along the snowy sidewalk. It was going to be a white Christmas, but he wouldn’t see it. The reaper loved Christmas, even decorated for it. He walked behind the aging man and soon came alongside him “Lovely, isn’t it?” he asked. The man glanced at him and a horror came over his face. The reaper pulled his scythe out, and slashed the man’s soul. Bells tinkled in the air. The man walked into his home with blank eyes. “Is it me or are bells ringing?” he snickered. What does everyone think? Feel free to rip it apart, being concise is not always my strong point, so I need to learn to say more with less words. One person commented on my blog that it wasn't clear where I was going with the last sentence. I was thinking it was the bells on the scythe, the reaper was getting into the holiday spirit by decorating his scythe. They weren't sure about that though. How would I have fixed that in 100 words? I really like it! I can see how the bells were confusing, but after you explained it, they make perfect sense. I'm really horrible at concise writing, I'm really convoluted. This is a cool idea though, I think I'll check it out! |
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 8, 2011 12:33:14 GMT
Another go - I can't stop now! Oh no!
"When I found her, she was outside, shivering and alone. I brought her into my home and let her stay with me, gave her food and somewhere comfortable to sleep.
Now, she’s changed and takes advantage. She takes up the sofa, eats off my plate, sleeps in my bed and makes me feel guilty when I have to go to work.
I wouldn’t change a thing though because she makes me feel better. When I’m feeling sad, she comes up to me and licks my face, puts her paw on me. She’s the best friend a girl could ask for."
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 8, 2011 15:31:36 GMT
Another go, did this on lunch! "I veered and our car broke through the barrier and hit the water with a thud. My heart leaped into my chest. He scrambled for the door and managed to release it before the pressure hit. I reached for my seatbelt and it was locked in. He pounded on the window, screaming at me to get out. The car was sinking quickly. I knew that he would die if he tried to get back in to save me. The car was slowly filling with water. So I took in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and locked the doors. " |
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 8, 2011 16:23:56 GMT
This was another one I did at lunch, just changed a few words around:
"I came out of my haze to the sound of a tap dripping. Thud, thud. Stretching and looking around, I tried to remember how I had got here. It was cold but I was drenched in sweat which unsettled me. Sitting up, I tried to focus my eyes to recognise where I was. It was dark and I could only make out shapes. I stood up and tried to trace my way to a light switch. I finally found one and clicked it on. The floor where I had been laying was covering in scarlet red. What had I done?"
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 9, 2011 5:28:19 GMT
Haha, did I give you a new addiction, Beth? These are all really nice! I really love the panic and quiet desperation of the lunch ones. I would hate to be in a situation of sinking in the car... drowning is one of my worst fears. I think I'll try and write another story tonight. That or pass out, I haven't decided yet.  |
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Post by loupy on Dec 9, 2011 9:53:39 GMT
This was another one I did at lunch, just changed a few words around: "I came out of my haze to the sound of a tap dripping. Thud, thud. Stretching and looking around, I tried to remember how I had got here. It was cold but I was drenched in sweat which unsettled me. Sitting up, I tried to focus my eyes to recognise where I was. It was dark and I could only make out shapes. I stood up and tried to trace my way to a light switch. I finally found one and clicked it on. The floor where I had been laying was covering in scarlet red. What had I done?" Oooo I really like this one! |
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 9, 2011 12:36:07 GMT
Haha, did I give you a new addiction, Beth? These are all really nice! I really love the panic and quiet desperation of the lunch ones. I would hate to be in a situation of sinking in the car... drowning is one of my worst fears. I think I'll try and write another story tonight. That or pass out, I haven't decided yet. Yes definitely! It's a lot of fun! Thank you I know, me too. I'm also petrified of the thought being buried alive. Not that that's related to writing at all, but a true fact! |
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Post by limebirdwriters on Dec 9, 2011 12:36:29 GMT
This was another one I did at lunch, just changed a few words around: "I came out of my haze to the sound of a tap dripping. Thud, thud. Stretching and looking around, I tried to remember how I had got here. It was cold but I was drenched in sweat which unsettled me. Sitting up, I tried to focus my eyes to recognise where I was. It was dark and I could only make out shapes. I stood up and tried to trace my way to a light switch. I finally found one and clicked it on. The floor where I had been laying was covering in scarlet red. What had I done?" Oooo I really like this one! Thank you Laura! Are you going to have a go too? |
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Post by 4amWriter on Dec 9, 2011 18:44:07 GMT
Another go, did this on lunch! "I veered and our car broke through the barrier and hit the water with a thud. My heart leaped into my chest. He scrambled for the door and managed to release it before the pressure hit. I reached for my seatbelt and it was locked in. He pounded on the window, screaming at me to get out. The car was sinking quickly. I knew that he would die if he tried to get back in to save me. The car was slowly filling with water. So I took in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and locked the doors. " I got the chills. I couldn't stop thinking about this all day. It is so hard to evoke that emotion alongside the action in such a short span of words. What a great, great job, Beth. |
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Post by ottabelle on Dec 9, 2011 19:12:35 GMT
Where are yours, 4am and Loupy? ;P
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I did one for this week, here it is. 
